studying for my test.....studying for my test....studying for me test.......i'm here at work. i'm supposed to be working since i'm still on the clock, but i'm studying for my test........studying for my test. i've been reviewing the two chapters the test is going to be on, but everything i read isn't sticking. i hate when that happens. this stuff must be boring. i can usually remember the stuff if i read it more than once, but i've read it a million times and i still don't remember what the hell i read. i think i might know what the problem is. i'm so excited to head out of this place. i miss the fresh, crisp, air, blue skies, and mountains. tomorrow all i have is class and i will be off from work until monday. we will be leaving late wedesday night. i told brian to ask his boss if he could leave early wednesday night, but his boss told him that if he left early he would not get his holiday pay for thursday and friday. that really sucks. now if he would have stayed on the day shift this wouldn't have been a problem. oh well, i shouldn't be bitching at least we will finally get out of phoenix for a change.

Today, at school they were passing out our awards. they had a little student appreciation deal this afternoon. they supplied us with hotdogs, chips, and cake. that was thoughtful of the school. finally, they do something to appreciate us. anyway, i got my award certificates. i got one for attendance and the other award was for making the president's list with a 4.0 GPA. I felt really good receiving the certificates even though they may be just pieces of paper. deep down i felt like i finally accomplished some thing in my life. i wish i would have done this earlier in my life, but i shouldn't be complaining because it's good that i'm doing it now than not at all. now my goals will be to try and keep the 4.0, not to miss any school, graduate, get my certification as a medical coder, and then land a job that pays top dollar.

my weekend was very relaxing. it was peaceful actually. i had such a great time staying home and not doing a damn thing. i actually watched tv. wow. it was nice to watch all the shows that i used to watch. i love watching the osbournes. mtv had the osbourne marathon on saturday. i watched it all day. that show is hilarious. ozzy can be such a dork sometimes.

well, tomorrow will be my last day of work and i'm heading out to the reservation on wednesday. it will probably be like early thursday morning by the time we leave because brian doesn't get out until 11pm. it's very cold out here in phoenix so i'm wondering if it is snowing in flagstaff. i don't want to be caught in a snow storm. about 2 years ago i was leaving back to phoenix during christmas time and i got caught up in a wicked snow storm. it was the kind of snow storm where you could not see a thing front of you. that kind of weather i would really like to stay away from this thanksgiving. please lord pave my way back to the reservation........

shucks, it sucks this year. i don't get to cook this year. we are going to brians familys house. they told us to bring our tummies and nothing else. they say that they understand that we work hard and that we don't need to work up a sweat and cook something. that is very nice, but i will feel weird bringing myself and not bringing anything to the table. i will probably whip up some chocolate pecan pie to take over there. i did buy a turkey yesterday though. i like to wait until the last minute to buy a turkey because the closer it gets to thanksgiving the more the price of the turkey drops. my turkey yesterday was only 6 bucks. i was one happy camper. i will probably roast it the second week of december. i love turkey leftovers. you can use it for every thing.....turkey sandwiches, turkey enchiladas, use it in your salads, casseroles....etc. MMmmmmm...turkey!

yay! it's friday. i get to finally rest for the next two days. i am so tired right now. i need my bed. yes, i'm still at work. i won't leave from here until 12am. i've done a lot of work tonight and my brain seems to be throbbing. my brain is fed so much information every day. i just don't see how i do it. i didn't get to study last night either even though i stayed home from work to study. i just skimmed through the chapters and set my book aside. i got distracted by the tv. i don't watch tv any more so its a privilege when i do. oh by the way i got an 'A' on my test.

tomorrow, i will probably sleep in until noon and probably hit the mall and do the rest of my christmas shopping. i hate big crowds, especially the mall. there are too many weird people there so i try and stay away from the mall when ever i can. hope y'all have a good weekend. good night y'all.

I'm home today. i decided not to go to work today. i have to clear my mind of some things and to study for my test tomorrow. well, I had a big talk with the admissions representative at school today. she talked me into staying with my program. at first i was upset at the fact that they had fired my instructor. i liked her teaching methods and i definitely understood every thing she was teaching. i guess i was just mad at the fact that i've had 3 instructors since i started school about 2 1/2 months ago. the first instructor that i started out with was ditzy. her class was a joke and i eventually transferred out of there to the morning classes. i got situated and comfortable with the morning classes and then about 2 days ago the director of the school comes in and informs us that our instructor was fired. basicly her speech was short and to the point. it was mostly about how we shouldn't stir up any trouble or we will suffer the consequences. that speech from the director of the school made me feel threatened. it was like she was telling us to keep our comments and concerns to our selves and that we couldn't voice our opinion. fuck that. my tuition is close to $9,000 dollars and i definitely have the right to express my opinion on certain situations like this one.

anyway, i listened to some of the lecture today from the new instructor. he seems to know his stuff and hopefully he has extensive knowledge in medical coding because that is the only reason why I took the course. i am sticking to this and hopefully there will be no more negative situations like this again.

ok...today was a totally shitty day. i really don't know what to do now. i found out this morning that my instructor got fired. i feel like this is unfair. we got introduced to the new instructor today. i definitely do not like. i have been thinking so much today and well....i think i might be doing something that might either benefit me or not...i'm thinking about changing my program. i still have not talked to brian about it because i know his answer will be, "go ahead, do what you got to do" or "do whatever makes you happy". "you know i'm here for you". gosh, i love him so much. i need him right now, but i'm stuck here at work...anyway, that was my shitty day...good night y'all....:(

i need a few more gifts to look for. i think i have 3 left on my list. i still don't know what to get brian for christmas. i'm torn between his wish for tools (bleh, only men would want that kind of stuff) or a leather jacket. i really don't want to get him tools for christmas, but he keeps hinting around that he wants tools. then again, i saw this really nice leather jacket. i know it is something that he would definitely like, but the tag is a bit too pricey. i might have to do something drastic and charge the damn thing. i hate getting things on credit. i will have to see until december. i don't want to get his christmas gift early because last year he decided to open his birthday gift behind my back. i was dissappointed in him. i think i know why he decided to open his gift early though. i enticed him too much. i left his gift on the table two weeks before his birthday. i guess on that final week of his birthday he just said fuck it and carefully opened the gift. in the end, i of course found out. lol. its so funny to think about it now. i wanted it to be a surprise. his first ps2. lol. he doesn't play with it that much any more.

today, i went on a class trip to thunderbird samaritan hospital. wow. now, that is a hospital. patients are treated like kings and queens. they are so pampered. i would like to work there after i finish school. we toured the medical coding and billing department. gosh, i am so motivated again. for a couple of weeks i've been feeling really down and exhausted, but the tour today gave me some more motivation. I think after i graduate i might take a medical coding course at PCC so i can get certified. unless i study my ass off and pay the 280 dollars for the certification test. well, i guess all that will depend on whether i feel like i have to take another course. well, it's time to clock out...good nite y'all.

why do auto care places display that they are certified? yeah freaking right! i was at sears auto care on saturday and sunday. practially all damn day. oh man, it is a good thing my fiance knows how to change the brakes in vehicles because if he didn't we could have had a massive bill from sears. he changed my front brake discs and replaced all the brake pads. we decided to get the alignment done afterwards because the car has been driving a little funky for the past few months. it kept pulling to the left so that is why i decided to take the care in. anyway, we get there and we tell them we want an alignment. the guy at the front desk says, "ok, that will be $54.95 to get an alignment on your car". i agree with it. this place took 4 hrs to do my alignment on saturday. during these 4 hrs they had to test drive it and realign it twice. i finally got out of there about 30 minutes before closing. i paid my bill and left. brian and i jumped on the freeway to see if it was fixed. it wasn't. this time the car was pulling to the right. i was so pissed off. I felt like turning around and going back over there and have them fix it until they got it right, but it was late so i waited until sunday to take it back in again.

it's sunday morning. i was there right at 10am. that is when the place opens. i go in tell them my problem. they agree to take my car in again and see if they can fix it. i wait for 6 hrs. within those 6 hrs they come to me and say that i might have to buy 4 all new tires. i probably had so much disgust on my face because afterwards they offered me a discount on my tires. i take their offer for the discounted tires and i watch them as they mount the new tires on. then they go and check the alignment again. I'm sitting there waiting and watching. they have 4 technicians there trying to align my damn car again. Oh my gosh, i was thinking when will this ever end. they come back and tell me that they can't align it and say that maybe the machine that aligns the tires is off and needs to be checked so they tell me that they have to align my tires manually. they move my car in a different area and it takes 5 men to do this. after all this i'm sitting here and thinking maybe i bought my tires for nothing if they say that the machine isn't aligning the tires correctly. sheez, why does this kind of crap always happen to me? out of all that chaos i am minus 450 dollars.....i'm so disgusted.

i'm at work. Blah. i decided to drag my lazy ass in today. i could have worked yesterday, but i was so damn tired. i couldn't get myself to go. i just wanted to sleep in all evening, but to my surprise, i just couldn't. i tried so hard to make myself go to sleep. i even took some sleeping pills. it didn't work at all. i guess my body got used to staying awake for long hours at a time.

i heard a little while ago that there is some bad shit gonna be happening tomorrow regarding work. see, we bought software program from this particular company and well, we just found out that the software that we have been using for the past 5 months was not doing it's job. it is bugged. you know the bug that is in men in black at the end of the movie. it's as big as that. gosh, i'm thinking about all the clients we have been working with. all this time, we just didn't know. stupid software. this software is a big database, it holds a bunch of files, and well it's been giving clients wrong information. we have been giving clients wrong information since june. now i see why we haven't been landing new clients because of the fucking software. i hear there is going to be a humungous law suit. my boss is coming in from texas first thing saturday morning. i can't wait to see what this will entail.....

well, today wasn't the usual. i only had school today, yet i still feel tired. it feels like i worked today too. i think i might know the reason why i feel this way. i've been thinking about 'something' and i feel scared right now. i know that this 'something' is not what i want at this point in my life. a lot of things have been running through my pewny brain of mine and well i just hope things turn out for the best. i worry too much. i get it from my mom. it might the asian blood in me. my mother, if i recall, always was so quick, to the point, was not a procrastinator, and well she always wanted the best. not to say she was a snob and so picky, but most of the asian people that i know want what is best, work so damn hard, and doesn't take any thing for granted. they be owning these little stores, but take pride in what they have. I should feel the same too, but.....arrrghhh....i'm soooo worried.....anyway, i hafta go....nite nite y'all.

we ran out of work! that really sucks. it's like during the time when you really, really, want to work the work stops coming in completely, and then when you don't want to work and wish that there was no work you will be piled or showered down with work. i was trying to save up some money to go on a shopping spree for my brothers. i do this when ever i can because back then i wasn't as fortunate and i know how it feels to want this and that as i was a kid/teenager. my dad can do so much, but i like to buy stuff for my little brothers. they are the only brothers i have. they are doing really well in school and i want to do this for them. please god, have work for us in a couple of days......

i cannot believe it is already tuesday. the days are flashing by before my eyes. that reminds me. i have to study for my final friday. i also have to turn in my report on hospice care. this final that we are having on friday is a toughy. that means i really have to study. so far, the tests in the past have been a breeze, but i guess she noticed that we might not be dumb. haha. well, anyway, i found out that i have a 4.0 GPA. i am the shit. i study hard and do my work. i really deserve my 4.0. i am so happy. i just hope i can keep up that average in the next couple of months. wish me luck!

i had such a restful weekend. i woke up around 2pm on saturday. it felt so good. The only reason i woke up on saturday is because my cat was licking my face. that was such a rude awakening. my cat and i jumped in the shower. the soothing shower was so relaxing. i am so glad i bought that water massage for the shower. anyway, after the shower i decided to jump on the net to see when the movie 8 mile was showing. I finally watched the movie. i thought it was pretty good. although, brittany murphy played such a slut in the movie. i love all her other movie roles, but this one really dissappointed me. i sat there disgusted when i saw the sex scene in the factory. gross. i bet a ton of guys loved that:)

i need to go home. i miss my dad so much. i think he is going through one of those phases with lenora. lenora is my step mom. i hate her. she does not cook, clean, pay bills, or help my dad in any way. she is just there. i don't know for what reason. it's like my dad is taking care of a another child. my dad is such a loving, understanding, and caring person, and yet my dad still puts up with all her shit. it's been like this for quite some time now. my step mom and dad have not one thing in common. my dad goes to church. my dad lives for church. unlike, my stepmom she doesn't go to church at all. she doesn't do shit, period! I am getting sick of her. my dad needs to kick her out and divorce her, but i know that will never happen. my dad is too nice. I think during my christmas vacation i'm going home and the shit is definitely gonna hit the fan. she is going to hear from me. oh yes she will.

This is day 2 of being drained of energy. I have one more day. Oh how I wish today was Friday. I desperately need some rest. No, not rest. I need some sleep. I think I need to catch up on 3 days worth of sleep. I don't know how I do it. Soda helps me stay awake most of the time. I also need a good home cooked meal. Geez, I haven't had one since.....I really don't remember. Lately, I've been munching on cheezits, microwavable dinners, and soda. That is not healthy. I had to go and buy me some multivitamins because I know I am not getting nourishing meals.

I found out today that my fiance' is going to have to work 7 days a week in the next couple of months. That will totally suck! We will not be seeing each other at all. His company landed a big project. They are going to get a ton of work to help build the cardinal's stadium. He said something about the coyotes stadium too, but I am really unsure of that. Well, I'm tired, but I have to study for my test tomorrow so goodnight y'all....

listening to: pink "family portrait"

Oh dear me. The life of a very tired woman. That is me. Soo, soooooo, sooooooooo tired. Woe is me. Sheeeeeit. Well, I finished my dang essay (due on monday) and my report (due next friday, not this friday, but the next). Am I freaking great or what? Here I was bitching about how much homework she assigned. I stress my self out for no reason.

I am such a retard. I think I need to get me like a big dry erase board for my room. Yesterday, I found out that I forgot to pay the phone bill again! I even wrote myself like a note of all the bills. I made a sticky note to my self to remember to cross out all the bills that I paid. That shit didn't work. If it did, I wouldn't have forgot to pay the phone bill. This happened two times now. Two months in a row. They sent me a disconnect notice. I am surprised they didn't turn my cell phone off again. Last month when I forgot to pay for the phone bill they turned off my cell phone, but left my internet and home phone on. I thought that was dumb. Oh well, I guess the shit has got to hit the fan sometimes....

Oh goodie, I'm counting down the days for Thanksgiving. Woo hooo. I get that Thursday and Friday off from school. Unfortunately, I will still have work, but who the hell cares. At least my days will not be like 13 hr days for those two days. Then I have Christmas break. A whole week. I'm counting the days. The months seem to rolling by before my eyes...wonderful!

I'm waiting in anticipation to see that move "8 mile". It looks like it will be really good. During the summer I kept seeing previews of it and they never would show the scheduled date of when it will show. I will probably see it on Saturday since I work Friday evening. Besides, usually on the night when a new movie is showing there will usually be a shit load of people there. Oh gosh. I hate when people bring in their babies. It's even worse when the parent decides not to take the baby out when he/she is screaming at the top of their lungs. I'm sorry to say this, but it is true. Babies really do not belong in a theatre. One, they do not watch the movie. Two, the strollers are usually protruding out in the walkway or worse you are stuck in your seat because the stroller is in your way. Three, it's just too loud for those delicate ears of theirs.

"Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you" . I think every one should live by this quote. I finally realized it after being with my ex. The relationship was worthless and stupid. I learned so many things from that relationship. I thought I was happy and in love, but those were the worst years of my life. I realize that now. I wish I would have realized it back then so I wouldn't had to have wasted 4 years of my life with that son of a bitch. He totally fucked me up. Emotionally and physically. It's sad though. I sometimes think about him and wonder what he's doing to fuck up another girl's life. I am so glad that I didn't marry him because if I did I wouldn't have met Brian.

Well, with that note......I was thinking about my friend. She seems to be in a relationship like I was in. Every time I call her there is something wrong. She is always arguing with her boyfriend. She can't go any where. It's like she has to be kept in check all the time. She is in prison! I feel like asking her why she stays with this guy but I don't want to intrude because she seems to defend him most of the time. I mean, what makes it worse is that this guy is like 8 years older than her and she seems to be more of an adult than he. I don't know. It's weird how we let ourselves go through these kinds of things.....

I've been so busy lately. School and work has really got the best of me these days. I have so much home work. The class is so simple. We have a tiny text book and work book. The instructor decided to throw in all these extra stuff to make things more complicated. Why can't she tell us to read the damn book and work in the work book. Last Friday she handed us a 5 page syllabus. Most of the work that she assigned was useless. Bullshit stuff that I know will not be of any use when I actually get working in the field. Anyway, she assigned like some group project. My topic is "Standardizations in hospice care". This is to be due next Friday, given orally, in front of the class, in the groups that she assigned us to. Blah!

Saturday was the first time I felt alive again. I got my first full pay check again. I got to spend almost every dime of it. It felt so good to just spend, spend, spend and not worry about a damn thing for a couple of hours. The first place I went to was, of course, Wal-mart. I did some early Christmas shopping. My family can get crossed out of my christmas list. Now, all I have left is Brian's family. I also browsed the mall. I did some shopping there for my self. Dang, it's been a long time since I went out and bought some shoes.

Mmmmm.....I can just taste it again, Red lobster. I had me some king crab legs. Crack open the shell, scoop out that delicate meat, and dip that baby in some hot butter. Oh my, that is the best........