gosh, i really don't know what to say. a lot of bad, bad, things have happened these past months. because of this i haven't blogged in a while. it seems like if i mention any part of my life on this blog, shit only gets worse. fuck it, we only live once.

last month a dear friend and coworker of mine lost the love of her life. its so sad to even think or write about it. my coworker has been with her boyfriend for 15 long years. i pray for her and her two boys a lot. she tells me that it's hard to be home in the evenings. I just wish there were some comforting words that i could tell her to ease her pain, but i know that only time will heal. i know right now nothing i say will make her feel better. i cannot imagine what she is going through. i have never lost any one that close to me.

it was on a sunday morning that my friend called me. it was around 7:00 am. i was awake, but still rolling around in my bed when i heard my phone ring. i answered the phone and heard my friend on the other line. the first words she said was that she had some bad news. for a second i thought of what could be such bad news so early on a sunday morning, but nothing came to my mind and i sat and listened to what she had to say. i could tell that she had been crying earlier by the tone of her voice, so i knew it was bad. it took her about a minute to tell me what was going on. she told me that they couldn't find her boyfriend. i was confused at first and was wondering what she was talking about and then she told me that on saturday he went to the salt river. that's when it hit me. on saturday her boyfriend had asked brian if he wanted to go tubing, but brian declined the offer because we were planning on going to see some movies that day. i think my mind was running a million miles minute after that. she went on to say that she went to go pick him up at the time they were supposed to meet that day, but she said that they kept waiting for him and he never showed up. she said that it begain to get dark and finally they had no choice and went to the police. the police told her that there were a lot of witnesses. they saw her boyfriend getting off of his raft and swimming, but then they noticed that he looked like he was struggling and they asked him if he needed help, but her boyfriend didn't say anything. they said that it looked like he was swimming towards a diving rock, but for some reason he was having trouble. i guess he just never came back up. they formed a human chain across the river to search, but they didn't find him.

gawd, sometimes i wonder why god takes people so early in their lives. i know that he has a purpose, but sometimes it's just hard to understand, even for me. my friend's boyfriend threw scrumptious barbeques. he was the barbeque king! he was a kind, generous, and giving person. he never thought about himself. he always took his time to help others out before him and it's just so sad to see him go so soon. brian and i are still in shock. i wonder sometimes, what if brian would have gone with him that day. would he have saved him from drowning or would he have drowned himself? we will never know. i remember my dad was speaking to my friend in navajo. he told her "please don't blame god".

San Antonio

life seems to be back to normal again, so far. i better not jinx my self. the truck is fixed. it took about 7 days to get it back from the place that was fixing it. i got a letter in the mail yesterday stating all the charges that guy has against him. i can request restitution if i want and i have already. i hope that guy has learned his lesson. i looked his name up in the arizona courts and he has a bunch of charges already on him. anyway, the above picture is from the trip to texas. this picture was taken in harker heights texas. it's a little town next to killeen, texas. check out how green it is out there! i wish this place was like this.

just when i thought things were starting to look good, i run into another streak of bad luck. last thursday some fucking drunk ran into our truck. what is so fucking retarded is that the truck was parked in a parking lot and the bastard ran into it. yes, the fucking bastard was DRUNK and you know what is so fucking great???!!!??!!!! the drunk guy had to be a navajo with no fucking insurance!!!!!! there is over a million people living in phoenix and a damn fucking drunk navajo had to run into me. why couldn't it be a rich white person with some insurance????!!!! 

My trip to texas was amazing! it rained just about the whole time we were there. it was damn humid too. you can walk outside and get sticky in a second. what was so amazing about my trip was that i got to see my mother and witness a memorable moment....watching my sister graduate from basic training. what is so shocking is that she was the kind of person that had the 'i don't give a shit attitude' and was such a messy and lazy person. those six weeks she's been there has really changed her. meeting my mom for the first time again was a terrifying experience. i had butterflies in my stomach the whole time. i got to spend 3 whole days with her. we are planning on visiting her in another six months. this picture was taken at the lackland air force base. 

graduation day for my sister! 

my journey to san antonio is nearing. Tomorrow i work until 3:30 pm. I'm planning on leaving to my dad's house in ft. Defiance after work tomorrow. Wednesday is our day of travel. I was checking how long it would take to get to our destination. a whopping 14-17 hrs. ugghhh, i think my ass will be numb by the time we get to san antonio. anyway, i got brian to go with me and well, we are going to see my mum. i haven't seen her in over 16 years! it sure is gonna be something..... i'm so ready to go, but at the same time i have a lot of anxiety. i haven't seen my mum in so long and well, i don't know what to expect. i'll just cross my fingers and hope that she doesn't think i'm still that 5 year old little girl that left her so many years ago. actually, we didn't leave her, she left us, but anyway, that's the past and i've totally forgiven her. so, i guess wish me luck! MY SISTER IS GRADUATING FROM BASIC TRAINING FROM THE AIR FORCE! MY SISTER JUST RECEIVED HER AIRMAN'S COIN FROM SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETING WARRIOR WEEK!!! YIPEE!!!

man, this is what she does all day. don't you wish you were a kitty cat? 

next month i'm driving to san antonio, texas. it is going to be a very long drive. i'm sort of dreading it though. i'm going out there to see my sister graduate from the air force, that's if she is graduating, but so far so good. i better shutup, i might jinx her.

this month is gonna be a long month..... there's so many graduations and receptions we have to go to by the end of this month. i dread it so much. it's the drive that i dislike the most. the drive from phoenix to flagstaff totally sucks. there's nothing to look at, and it's fucking hot. yuck! yuck!

anyway, life for me sucks right now. i'm just not happy with the way things are going. i had so many plans and i just have to set them back again because of financial reasons. i know i will get over this hump soon, but knowing me, i'm the type of person that can't wait for things. i guess i will just have to sit back and just go with the flow for now.

yeah, i'll be popping back in every once in a while......it's so weird. i have all this free time now and i just don't feel like getting on the computer any more. maybe i should go back to going to school and working a full time job or working a full time job and a part time job again. hmmm...naw, i don't think so. that was too much for me and now i think i'm paying the price for it now. i've grown so damn lazy. i only work one full time job now. i said fuck it to the second one. i don't want to pay taxes again next year. i'd rather be broke and starving to death than have another bill. i hate bills. i guess that is just life though. we all have bills. life isn't easy, nothing is given to us for free, we all have to earn what we get.

my boss is gonna take leave for a couple of weeks. her husband is dying. he has terminal cancer. i guess respite has been visiting her house for the past couple of weeks. i sure do hope she is coping with the loss of her husband well. when she is at work she is her cheerful self though. it is kind of odd at times. it's like it doesn't seem to phase her. i think she just has gotten used to the idea of her husband passing.

it's getting pretty hot here in phoenix. today it got up to 103. ughhh....and the air conditioner in my car doesn't work right. i tried to get it fixed at bill luke, but those bastards wanted to charge me 700 dollars to take the damn dash board apart. i told that lady if she was fucking kidding me. she wasn't. i almost made a scene there that day. you see, my air conditioning works it's just that the knob isn't changing the settings. the air is only blowing towards my windshield. they told me that something might be blocking the air ways and that if they went in and found that something was blocking the airways that they would have to charge me 700 dollars and if they find that it was just one of their parts that was broken then it would be covered under warranty. i mean, if i gave them the go ahead to work on my car how in world would i know that they are telling me the truth? so then i said the hell with it and told them to give me back my car. that was way too much for me to pay out of pocket. they must think i'm fucking rich or something, bastards! anyway, someday, i'll get it fixed, but not right now, not in the situation i'm in right now. hell no.