each day i get up and pray to god that he watch over brian and I during these trying times. i know he is listening to me. the lord works in mysterious ways. hopefully, he will make things better soon. i am drained, totally drained. this school and work thing is too much. i don't know how i manage sometimes. i keep telling myself things will get better and in the end it will be worth my while. you know, now that i am typing this, i can finally see that i dedicated myself to doing this and i don't think i have ever given up on any thing that i strived to do. i can do this. i know i can. then there is brian, i love him with all my heart. he is the love of my life and i can honestly say that no one can ever replace him. he's been there for me since the first day i met him. when i ran out of work for about a month or two he told me not to worry and that things will be alright. he is very good at comforting me and easing my mind. sheez, i remember back in the days when i was with my ex-boyfriend i would cry each and every night and i would pray to god and wonder why i put my self through such things. i would ask god why was there not a good man by my side, someone who would love and treat me the way i should be treated. someone who would love me for me. then out of the blue brian comes into my life. he was what i've always looked for in a man. my prayers were answered. i think i actually fell in love with him the moment i layed my eyes on him. he is my motivation, inspiration, and my best friend. the other day as we drove to the grocery store he looked at me and said, 'i think you are my destiny'. i melted. just those little words can touch a person. i love him for being as sweet as he is. i miss him so much because there is hardly a time i spend with him, since school and work is always in my busy schedule. for now, brian is still unemployed. he is temporarily working under the table for an old employer of his. that and his unemployment checks help us each month to pay for our massive bills that we accumulated when we were living in the fast lane. the job market definitely does not look good either. on sunday we picked up the arizona republic to search the want ads. i couldn't believe it. the want ads were only 3 pages. i was so sad to see that. we have basically searched all over phoenix to look for jobs. it really doesn't look good. they keep telling brian that the cardinal's stadium is on it's way, but we still have not got a call from his job that temporarily layed him off. they said it's only temporary, but it seems as if we have waited an eternity. i hope and pray for that day to come when his job finally calls him back to work.........