i am dead tired. so far, i have worked 12 hrs and 30 mins. i still have an hour and half to go. i don't think i want to come into work tomorrow. i feel like crap right now and just thinking about coming into work tomorrow is making me sick to my stomach. the only good thing about today is that it is pay day. it came quick. i didn't go to school today. i should have, but didn't really feel like going in because my instructor left yesterday to the phillipines and won't be back until march 10th. he found out in the beginning of the week that his father is very sick and the outcome doesn't look very good. i wished him a safe trip and told him that he and his family will be in my prayers. he tells us that he has never, ever in his life, experienced death within his family. i just hope my teach is doing okay.

these photos are so sad to look at. i used to always watch mr. rodgers neighborhood when i was kid.

when i came into work today i had the intention of working 10 hours today. i don't think it will happen because i ran into some work that i just don't want to do right now and i don't want to stay long trying to figure out what goes with what. yuck. if they were documents that i liked then i would have stayed, shucks. i need the hours, but i absolutely do not think that it's worth staying with those kind of documents. i only have 8 days in this pay period since february only had 28 days. that sucks. tomorrow is finally friday. this week went by too slow. i need to go home and get a good back rub from brian. i ask brian to massage my back almost every night. he doesn't mind at all. he understands that i have very long days and is more than willing to give me a good rub down before i go to bed at night. he is wonderful. i called him a while ago and he told me that he checked out a game from blockbuster. it's called the getaway. i want the sims there goes the neigborhood. i found a coupon for 5 dollars off at target for that particular game. i love the sims! anyway, tomorrow is friday. i will probably be at work around 3am. i know i will have a long day tomorrow.

its raining today again. i love it, but i hate the wind. i would rather have it rain steadily than have rain and wind. its so cold outside. i hope it rains for the next 2 days. i misss the rain and we really need it here. yesterday i was too tired. i just went to school. i didn't bother coming into work because i had a scheduled appointment with the doc and a refill that i had to pick up yesterday. there is nothing really going on at school. my instructor went over the digestive system today. last week we did the respiratory system. its more of anatomy and physiology than medical terminology. i start anatomy and physiology in march. well, i best be going because i have to leave from here and fight the traffic in a bit .....hey check this out. i thought this was hilarious. it even gives you the option to download the emoticons, but i suggest you don't because it will only show those emoticons. basically, when you use them you are the only one that can see them. in order for other people to see them you would have to have them download them too.

i had a good weekend. my dad was in town and we spent most of our time at the america west arena. so many indian faces every where. they practically filled all the seats in america west arena. unfortunately, none of the rez teams won any of the championships, but i had a lot of fun. we took my dad out to eat on saturday and spent time talking about the good ole' days. i miss having conversations with my dad. i wish i lived closer to my father so i can visit him often. i miss being around him. he loves brian. those two can get caught up in their conversation and would i be sitting there quiet most of the time because i have no idea what in the world they are talking about. men! oh well, at least he likes brian. he never liked any of my boyfriends and i think he definitely approves of brian. one question my dad asked us was when we were planning on getting married. we both shrugged our shoulders. honestly, we really haven't set a date. more than likely, it will be after i finish school or maybe after he finishes school. he is planning on going back to school too after i finish with mine. he wants a career change too. i am behind him 100% in his decision to return to school. i encourage him because it will definitely benefit brian and i and maybe our future child. anyway, i'm here at work. when i get off today i'm going to have to pick up my kitty. i miss her so much and it's only been a day since she's been gone. i'm am soooo ready to pick her up today.

my dad is in town. no school today. i have work though. i asked the teach if i could take friday's test on thursday. he was fine with it. so now i am here at work. i came in around 4am and i'm still tired. i took a long shower before i got to work, but it still doesn't help. i need a pepsi with ice. that will definitely wake me up. i'm probably going to america west arena to watch some of the reservation teams play. i already see a lot of native faces in phoenix. it's amazing how they just all pour in for such an event. a lot of proud parents and people who support high school basketball teams. my dad is leaving on sunday. i'll miss him again :(

i'm tired.....i need to take a break. i wish i could take a week off from school and work. how would it feel to have nothing to do? i wonder......five more months...five more months. i need to go home now and sleep.

yay! my dad is coming into town early thursday morning. tonight he is staying in flag. his intentions are to watch the basketball games out there and then he is making his way out to phoenix on thursday. i can't wait to see him. unfortunately, i will not be seeing him that much because of work and school. i'm gone from home from 7am to 8pm. i will probably take saturday off to spend some time with him. i miss him very much and it will be great to accompany him during the high school state playoffs at the america west arena. this has been our routine every year. my dad will come down and visit every february. he is a highschool basketball fanatic. the last time i spoke to him he told me that he drove to kayenta to watch monument valley and ganado play.

over the weekend brian and i added a new addition to our tank. we added a calico orando gold fish. it's so cute. when you look at it's face it looks like it has chubby cheeks.

i started medical terminology II today. i'm getting very bored with the class already. on friday, we had a 122 question final. i got an A. i missed 9. over the weekend, we finally celebrated valentines day. brian took me out to eat at papadeux's. a wonderful seafood restaraunt. they have some tasty yummy deserts too. on saturday, we went to the greyhound park to check out the flea market. a lot of people. a lot of native faces as a matter of fact. i wonder what was going on over the weekend? anyway, after greyhound park we went to arizona mills. please do not take me there! i went shopping crazy! blah! i didn't expect to come out with all that junk. oh well, we have to treat ourselves every now and then. i'm here at work, as always, and i'm ready to leave. not much work here to be staying a full 8 hrs so i will be home relaxin in a bit....oh, i forgot to mention the best part of the weekend. brian, got me some beautiful diamond earrrings for valentines day. i love em!

gawd, yesterday was crazy. i have not seen it rain like that in a while. it's really good that we got some rain though. we are needing some badly. two of the lakes, in the surrounding areas of phoenix, are going to dry out if we don't get any more rain. today is valentine's day. unfortunately, i am not going to celebrate it until tomorow. besides, i know the place that brian wants to take me is probably crowded. i can wait until tomorrow. we are not going to celebrate until tomorrow because i am here at work and by the time i get out, it will be around 8pm. i called brian a while ago, he was at the mall. he's probably getting my valentines gift because he forgot or he is probably bored from sitting at home. i'm probably going to leave from here around 8 and then come back in to do some work. i missed work on tuesday so i am going to make up those hours. i know it is going to kill me, but you gotta do what you have to do, in order to make some of that money.

my goodness, its raining cats and dogs outside. it's been raining ever since 5:30pm, and it's about 8:30pm right now. it's been raining all day off and on but there has been a steady drizzle since 5:30. i might have to raft my way to work and school tomorrow. i hope the streets that i drive on are not flooded because i will be terribly annoyed if i have to take another route. ugghh....calgon take me away!!!

don't you wish that somedays you can just turn back time and be a kid again? i wish for it so much. i wish i could go back and change a lot of the stuff that i did in the past. The one thing that i wish the most, is that i wish i would have concentrated or exceled while i was in highschool. i know for fact that if i had, i probably would have done something with my life sooner. the things my dad used tell me, he would always say don't do this and don't do that. i know now, that he was right. i wish i would have listened to him. he would always say i've been through it, so listen to me. i would never listen. i always ended up doing the opposite of what my dad would tell me. i was a bad kid. i gave my dad so much grief. i regret it. it stuns me to think about my past, and think that i used to do some really stupid things.

the other day i was sitting at my computer and my eyes happened to focus on a picture of my mom and i. she was holding my hand. it brought back a rush a memories. i remember in the evening times my mom and i would sit outside. texas was always humid. i would run around bare foot, playing with the boys, climbing on those nut trees. most of my summers were spent in those trees. we would sit there and crack them nuts and eat it. there wasn't anything to worry about, because of course, we were just kids. at night time, i remember chasing after fire flies. those are probably my best memories. every time i see a fire fly, it reminds me of texas, and my mother. gawd, if only we can go back to a time that is the most memorable and happiest.......

yeserday, i received a voicemail. i checked it and to my surprise, it was a guy calling from vh1. this is what he said:
hi this may sound like a weird question, but i'm looking for (my name). ummmm, my name is pat smith, and i'm a producer at vh1, the music channel. uhhhhh....we are doing a show on missy elliot and she listed you as one of her friends growing up, now of course you may or may not be the (my name) she was talking about but you are the only one we've been able to find. ummmm i was wondering if you can give me a call back at (the number) either way just to let me know if we are barking up the wrong tree or if we are right, i just want to talk to you about missy and the show we are doing and want to know if you want to be involved, but yeah please give me call back either way so we can figure this out.

i about fell out of my seat when i heard this message. i called the number back, but told him that i probably wasn't the person he was looking for. i asked him where missy elliot grew up and he said in virginia and i told him that i've lived in texas, new mexico, and arizona. he said that i probably wasn't the person and we said our goodbyes. i've been thinking about it and most of my friends that i had in texas were african american. i wonder if she was one of em? does any one know missy elliots real name?

what a restful weekend i had. unfortunately, all that rest has made me so lazy. i'm dragging here at work. i still have a couple of hours to go, but i feel like leaving. i have the tendency to surf the internet. i do this because either i'm bored or i'm just tired. today, i think it is both. brian, called me earlier and told me he has a lead on a job, but was unable to make it in time to turn in his application. his buddy got hired on to that particular company today and is going to start tomorrow. we still don't know if brian's old job is going to call him back. his uncle still works there. he still works there because he's been there for over 4 years and has had experience in all dept areas. his uncle told him that they are doing some of the cardinal stadium work, but it is not enough work to bring back all the people that were laid off. oh well...... basically, brian and i are tired of waiting so brian is going to get his butt into gear and look around some more. hopefully, something comes around. this has gone on far too long. i'm tired of budgeting. i want it to go back to how it was before. we were supposed to move at the end of this month, but we decided that we just couldn't, without brian's income and mine we just can't move into the place that we wanted to move to so i think we will probably stay at the same place for another 6 months. hopefully, things should be back to normal by then.

today is dragging. no energy left in me. yesterday i went to school for about 4 hrs and i worked 10 hrs. it hit me today. i had to go downstairs a couple of times to get some caffeine in my system. my cousin seems to always fall asleep here at work. i've done it once, but i never had the guts to do it again because i am afraid i will get caught. my cousin comes into work late at night or in the wee hours of the morning, and it never fails, she eventually falls asleep. a couple of times the girls in my dept caught her sleeping in her seat. she is crazy. i hate the fact that she does that because when she comes in that early in the morning to work she doesn't get a lot of work done and we are usually stuck with her crap work. there have been times we wanted to confront her about her sleeping situation, but so far, we have just left her alone. the last time we confronted here about anything regarding work she stopped talking to us for a while. we confronted her about clocking in, staying a few hours, and leaving without clocking out. she would rack up all those hours, but was never really at work. when we found out we were mad! we took it upon ourselves to talk to her and we never told the boss man. right now, she is working from 11:00pm - 5am, then she clocks out, and then comes back in around 6:30am, clocks back in and then leaves at 2:30pm. that is about 14 hrs a day and probably half those hours she is asleep. it's becoming annoying and the girls and i are about to confront her again. don't get me wrong, i really like/love my cousin, even though it doesn't sound like it, but basically, she is being unfair, devious, and she needs to be talked to.....

yesterday i sent my resume to the recruiter for the banner health system and i actually got a response back from email. i wonder if my resume gave her a good impression of me. she told me that she was very excited to receive my resume and will look forward to speaking to me in the future. i guess "future" means i might really be considered for a position? i am hoping that this is what she means. oh well, i guess i will find out when that time comes. this is not my only option because there are plenty of other places that i've been researching. i'm here at work. i've been typing my work practically all day and now my fingers gave out on me. it's like i don't have any feeling in my fingertips. a rush project came in and i was asked if i wanted to code these legal documents. i'm not too thrilled about coding the documents because it is time consuming, repetitive, and just plain boring. i don't know how the people at home can do it. we have people who work at home for us and they do this all day, of course, they don't have set hours, but most of them stay online practically all day. we have some people in manila who work for us. i've become very good friends with a couple of them. i have not met any of them in person, but i sure would like to one day. my boss at one time wanted to send me out to the phillipines so i can train them, but the plan turned sour and i was dissappointed. if you ask me, i think my boss was just too greedy and cheap. he probably thought it was too much of an expense for a woman, a minority.....

today the banner health system had a career fair. i was contemplating on whether i should go or not. i ended up not going, but i did get information on where i could send my cover letter and resume. i am really excited because they are having a career fair for a new 167 bed hospital. it is going to be called banner estrella medical center. it will be located in southwest phoenix. they expect to open in november 2004 and should reach full operation in 2005. i guess they are recruiting early and inviting health care professionals to express their interest in employment opportunities at the soon to be facility. i will be so excited if they consider me. i graduate in july. that is about 5 months from now. it would be a dream to be working in a newly built hospital. there is another career fair in a couple of weeks and that hospital is almost around the corner from where i live. i am definitely going to go. gawd, i'm so excited today for some reason. my fingers were shaking when i was typing my cover letter and revising my resume here at work. nobody bothered me and i just didn't really care if any one saw me typing my cover letter. i am so tired of taking crap from this job for so long. i am ready to get out of here....

i didn't get to work yesterday. we surprisingly ran out of work and they told me to take a day off. it was quite relaxing actually. brian and i ordered a stuffed crust gold pizza from pizza hut and about 15 hot wings. it was good. then we rented banger sisters, fear dot com and about a boy. i enjoyed each and every one of those movies. i especially liked the banger sisters. it's more of a chic movie and that is why i enjoyed it. over the weekend i threw brian's brithday party. he is such a spoiled brat. i gave him a card with about 300 bucks stuck in the card. he definitely splurged on that money. he bought an emerson 27-inch flat screen tv. it was on sale at walmart and so since brian always wanted a flat screen tv we thought we might give an emerson a try. we've been waiting for the prices on flat screens to go down for so long and we thought this was the perfect opportunity to purchase one. so far i like it. i'm not used to the silver color though. i wish they would make them in black. i'm wanting brian to throw out the black paint thats sitting in the closet because i might want to paint that damn tv to black when brian is away. if he even knew i had thoughts like that he would kick my ass. anyway, after the party i threw for him we decided to mix some drinks and have a fun night with board games and cards. it was a great night. it ended around 2 or 3 in the morning.