tomorrow is friday. i'm not sure if i can stand being at work tomorrow. i about lost it today. i was so close. there's just some days that i feel like i'm about to give up and say fuck it i'm going home. i don't know why i let certain things get to me. sometimes i think maybe i'm too emotional. i let people run all over me. i was never like this. somewhere in my life i changed. i remember when i was a hard headed, sometimes rude, outspoken, let me have my way kind of girl, but now, i feel like this helpless pup with it's tail between it's legs. i don't know when i changed and i don't know why i changed. sometimes i think maybe my ex changed me. i can't blame him for my behavior because our relationship ended 6 years ago, but then again, that boy put me through hell and back. he abused me emotionally and physically. and stupid me i stayed with that jerk for a long time. i think it was because i felt like i couldn't live life by myself. after all, we were practically married, but yet all that time i was with him he was cheating. to this day i still think about him and wonder why he did that to me. i can tell you this...this kind of shit can really damage a person. especially if you put your all into the relationship. you believed every word, you believed that when he said that he loved you that he meant it. i think he just liked the attention. i forgive him though. i forgive him for all the awful things he did to me. i forgive him...only because i know that sometimes in his life he will remember and regret.