gosh, i can't believe how bad the devastation was in new orleans. when i got home i watched a little bit of tv. i didn't know it was that bad. i was shocked at how much looting they have been experiencing. that is crazy! i haven't watched much tv lately and just watching the devasation saddens me. for some reason it makes me think that the world is coming to an end soon. there's so much devastation, violence, war etc. and so many other things that are way too common these days.

anyway, that brought me to thinking about "vernon". i really do hope he and his family are ok. i'm not sure if he lived exactly in new orleans or on the outskirts but either way i hope he made it out of that devastation alive and well.

labor day is coming up. i'm not sure what we are going to do this weekend. more than likely we'll stay home. gas prices are ridiculous to be traveling anywhere. besides, i'm saving for navajo nation fair. we are going for the parade, food, and all the nice stuff that people sell! it's time for me to look for some christmas gifts. hehe. sheesh, if you try and buy turqouise out here you might as well empty your bank account because its an arm and leg out here. the natives who sell at the flea markets out here jack up the prices, so i'd rather go back and get a bargain. i hope its not like last year, i nearly froze my ass off in the morning and nearly melted from the heat in the afternoon.

it's getting hot here again, but at least it's not as humid as it was for the past couple of weeks. i don't know, maybe i got used to the humidity and don't know the difference anymore. i can't stand the heat. ugh! i try and not use the air conditioner in my car these days. i'm trying to conserve my gas since gas has sky rocketed in price. it now takes close to 30 buckeroos to fill up my car...that's ridiculous!

i have to get up early tomorrow and go into work. i'm trying to make up my time for thursday since i have a dental appointment. yep, my yearly checkup. i bet you anything i have a cavity. so far, for two years in a row they have found a cavity or two. my mouth is going to be full of fillings soon. i don't mind going to see the dentist anymore. i used to be horrified. i think i've experienced the worst with going to see the oral surgeon. they had to take out 3 impacted wisdom teeth. that was the worst pain i've ever experienced in my life. now i think i can just about with stand anything.

brian is ok. he's down stairs watching the national geographic channel. they were showing a very interesting documentary about 9/11. it's called, 'inside 9/11'. i tell ya, watching that show gave me goose bumps. i can still remember that day. i didn't go to work. i was scared actually, because back then i worked in a building that had 21 floors, so you can imagine why i didn't. it's crazy, i used to live by myself back then and thoughts were running through my mind. i actually thought the world was gonna end that day. i was scared shitless. i just barricaded my self in my 1 bedroom apartment and watched the boob tube all day. anyway, i need to hit the sack....i'm tired and i'm craving some ice cream...nite

i get up every day knowing that i have to go to some hell hole of a job. i smile and say hi and sometimes i chit chat. i think just about every one at work is full of shit. theres a few that are the kindest and warmest people i've met so far at any job, but then there's the rest. they all put on a show. i feel like smacking some of those fake bitches silly. some of them act so fucking dainty. i swear, they act like their shit don't stink. i get so disgusted sometimes! i can give you so many examples of why i want to smack them silly but, i'll just end up writing a book. i get tired sometimes. why can't i work with decent people.

my best friend/coworker and i are making a proposal to change our weekly schedule. we are hoping this proposal gets accepted, but honestly in the back of my mind i'm thinking that our request is going to get shot down. if it does, the shit is going to hit the fan.

july 25, 2005....i can't believe it's been a year and some days since my friend's boyfriend's death. she was with him for 15 years. yet, it still feels like he's around. especially, when she invites us to dinners or birthday parties. it feels like he's going to walk out of a room or come in from the front door. sadly, he passed away while he was tubing down the salt river last year. the main culprit....alcohol. he didn't come home that saturday night and the next morning the investigators found him and pronounced him dead. she tells me that she misses him so much. i don't know how it feels to be in her shoes, but she's a very strong person. she tells me that she's lonely and i tell her that she can't be by her self for the rest of her life. especially, since her boys are in highschool now and will probably be moving out. she tells me that she knows this, but then she says that she wouldn't know what to do if she did me that special person because all she ever knew was her late boyfriend. he was her first boyfriend, first love, first every thing and father to their 2 boys. on july 25, we had a little get together for her boyfriend to celebrate the life that he had. man, he sure is missed. rest in peace roland....

man, i'm so fucking lazy these days. i don't have enough time during the day. most of my time is spent at work. my hours suck and i need a new job. i've been thinking about moving on. i hate work. i always hated it, but i only stay because i know i have bills to pay.

i've been sick for the past 2 weeks. i came down with a viral infection and my throat has been giving me hell for the past week. theres been days when i couldn't eat a thing because it hurt so much to swallow. i went to the dr, but all they gave me was some 800 mg ibuprofen for the pain. what kind of shit is that? all it does is knock me out for a couple of hours.

i haven't been doing much with the house lately. we haven't touched the other room. i think we got too lazy and so tired of trying to fix shit. i'm thinking of painting that room cranberry red. i have all these ideas of what i can do with that room, but like i said i'm tired of messing with that shit. we still need to tear out the stuff in the bathroom too, but we are probably going to wait until next year to do all the major work.

we were supposed to go back to the rez this weekend, but our lazy asses just don't feel like it. my coworker is already planning for the september fair. she took that friday off so she can set up camp by the side of road out in window rock. it's kind of funny how we get so gung ho about shit like that. i guess it's such a blessing sometimes to see so many greasy indian faces. so, i guess i might go with, but not sure. i don't plan that far ahead.....