i get up every day knowing that i have to go to some hell hole of a job. i smile and say hi and sometimes i chit chat. i think just about every one at work is full of shit. theres a few that are the kindest and warmest people i've met so far at any job, but then there's the rest. they all put on a show. i feel like smacking some of those fake bitches silly. some of them act so fucking dainty. i swear, they act like their shit don't stink. i get so disgusted sometimes! i can give you so many examples of why i want to smack them silly but, i'll just end up writing a book. i get tired sometimes. why can't i work with decent people.

my best friend/coworker and i are making a proposal to change our weekly schedule. we are hoping this proposal gets accepted, but honestly in the back of my mind i'm thinking that our request is going to get shot down. if it does, the shit is going to hit the fan.

july 25, 2005....i can't believe it's been a year and some days since my friend's boyfriend's death. she was with him for 15 years. yet, it still feels like he's around. especially, when she invites us to dinners or birthday parties. it feels like he's going to walk out of a room or come in from the front door. sadly, he passed away while he was tubing down the salt river last year. the main culprit....alcohol. he didn't come home that saturday night and the next morning the investigators found him and pronounced him dead. she tells me that she misses him so much. i don't know how it feels to be in her shoes, but she's a very strong person. she tells me that she's lonely and i tell her that she can't be by her self for the rest of her life. especially, since her boys are in highschool now and will probably be moving out. she tells me that she knows this, but then she says that she wouldn't know what to do if she did me that special person because all she ever knew was her late boyfriend. he was her first boyfriend, first love, first every thing and father to their 2 boys. on july 25, we had a little get together for her boyfriend to celebrate the life that he had. man, he sure is missed. rest in peace roland....