i'm sick as a dog. i have body aches, my chest is hurting and i just basically feel really shitty. i'm here at home. i should be laying in bed. i'm not used to being home this early. i didn't go into work today either. i decided to give myself a 3 day rest. it sucks though, i started feeling crappy last night. brian's cousins from kayenta came into town. they brought their disease. the kids were sick. i should have stayed away from them kids, but they are so cute. i couldn't stop holding the little baby. he is such a chubby little boy. he's got light brown hair and hazel/light brown eyes. he is so adorable. brian's eyes are similar to that color. he's got hazel eyes. his mother has bluish/grey/green eyes and his grandfather has green eyes.

anyway, i'm so glad y'all are helping me. i will see what i can do with that code. i hope y'all have a good weekend. i'm beginning to get body chills now and i think i should have brian run to the store to get me some orange juice and some flu medicine.

hmmmmm....i've noticed that someone from work has been visiting my page. i can recognize ip addresses from work. i'm sort of pissed about that because this is MY blog and no one from work is supposed to be reading it, period!. especially, since the people here actually know me in person and that anything i say in here, they can or will use against me. now, i feel like i shouldn't be writing any thing personal in here. if i were to guess who it was, i would say more than likely, it is one of the girls i work with. that really chaps my hide....

anyway, on that note, i don't really feel like writing today, only because i found this out. i am hoping that if this person reads this that they never come back, because this is my way of letting out steam and expressing some of my feelings when i don't want to talk to anyone.

oh what a weekend. my weekend was a blur. i don't really remember much of it because most of my time was spent sleeping. i did manage to get up on sunday and get out of the house to watch that movie, the dreamcatcher. it was a freaky movie. you have to pay close attention to the movie to understand it.

every day it seems to get hotter and hotter in phoenix. boy do i dread the summers here. hopefully, my apt complex's air conditioner doesn't break down like it did last year. i tell ya, i suffered. i spent most of my time in the tub trying to cool my ass off. that was torture. we had fans, but it didn't help any. brian was thinking of buying a portable cooler just in case something like that happens again. i hate heat, i hate to sweat, and i basically hate the summers here in phoenix. i'm hoping that we have a lot more rain during the monsoon season. last year we didn't get enough rain. i remember when i first moved to phoenix about 8 years ago we used to have some monstrous monsoon storms. there were times i would think that the trees would break and fall from all that wind.

today i got stuck with some crap work. one of clients decided to complain about some of the work that was being done by the people who worked from home. my job was to go into the database and try and look for those concerns that she pointed out. i tell ya, some people just want to be assholes. they were the dumbest complaints i've seen so far, but of course to keep the clients happy i had to change the work to their specifications. suck!

i didn't attend school today. it felt really good. i was at the mvd this morning. i probably spent about a good two hours over there. i swear, you can see the oddest people while you are out and about. i kept seeing this guy pacing back and forth by me while i was seated at my chair. he kept muttering something. i couldn't quite make out what he was saying. he was obviously talking to himself or talking to his imaginary friend. i didn't think anything of it and went back to concentrating on some of the paper work crap i had to fill out. i sat there for a couple of minutes filling out my paper when all of sudden that same guy who was muttering something started screaming at the top of his lungs. he absolutely lost it. i was probably staring at him with my mouth open. he startled me so much that i dropped all my papers on the floor. i actually could feel every one staring at him. the guy started yelling, "get away from me! get away from me!". there was no one standing next to him or around him at all. he was really out of it. i think either he was a schizo, high on drugs, or he basically had something mentally wrong with him. he didn't stay long in the mvd though. they had some men escort him out. i don't know exactly where they took him, but he surely didn't come back in with them.

well, the weekend is finally here. dang, it took long enough. i know i'm going to watch that movie 'dream catcher' this weekend. i'll probably watch a matinee tomorrow, since my butt is going to be here at work in the wee hours of the morning. i decided that i will put in some extra hours, even though i don't really need to. besides, extra money is always good when payday comes around. hope y'all have a good weekend......

i called my dad today. i usually call my dad every sunday to see how the family is doing back at home. i wish i could just put my stressful life aside and spend two weeks back at home in fort defiance, arizona. i miss it so much. everytime i go home i always gaze into the sky at night to see the stars. they seem so bright back where i live and it never fails, i always see a falling star. i also wish i could just forget about everything out here and move back to the reservation where i grew up, but at the same time i know deep down that there isn't really any job opportunities out there unless you work for the tribe, hospital, school or have a relative who can hook you up with a job, which by the way, SUCKS!

i'm not going to school tomorrow. i took two major tests today. it was about the nervous system. i really didn't enjoy learning about the nervous system. now, i dream about neurons, ganglions, neuroglias, axons, cell bodies etc. that's just a little too much information for my pewny brain. information overload. especially, since i have to deal with this crap at work too. the other day we got a big project in and so far, we have not even put a dent into it. this project is a headache and the bad part about it is that we have too much of this stuff. i noticed that the girls didn't do much with it today, but i know i did more than any one else. i know i'm good. i can be such a show off sometimes.

the boss is here too. he hasn't said a word to me, that asshole. i don't have the guts to ask him for our review either. i just hate having a conversation with him. the girls that i work with despise him too. we basically, try and avoid any contact with him. a long time ago he was once such a nice, caring person, but something happened to him. he probably woke up one day and said i'll be an asshole to my employees from now on since i'm such a bad ass and i'm such a young owner of this prosperous company. please santa send me a new boss soon.

the iraq deadline is near.......6:00pm arizona time. if saddam hussein and his sons do not leave the country, war will begin. it all seems so unreal to me. i have a cousin who is in the marines and is out there. he was always so fascinated with guns and the military as we were growing up. it really didn't surprise me when he made the decision to join the marines. i miss him so much. tonight, will be something i will surely remember for a very long time. god bless all the people who are serving in the military and their families.

i didn't get to rest as much as i wanted to over the weekend. i was hardly home. most of the my time was spent at some kind of store, either shopping or picking up something. i also got to watch that movie, "the hunted". i wasn't too thrilled about the movie. it seemed so fake. i definitely won't buy the dvd when it comes out. it's not something i would like to watch again. i know plenty of people might have a different opinion though. i guess every thing depends on your taste in movies.

yesterday i didn't make it to school. i was going to go to work, but i changed my mind at the last minute. i just didn't feel like it. i played hookie yesterday, although, i didn't get to kick back and relax like i wanted to.

i found out something about somebody and i'm wondering if i should confront them. its something that i happened to stumble upon. yeah right, sometimes i can be such a nosey person. anyway, i'm afraid this person is not thinking things through and she may be putting her life in danger. i am very concerned, but i don't want to confront the person, because she doesn't know of the information i know about her.....

i've decided that i am going to come back to work tonight so i can get some of this work done. i'm not sure what time i should come in, but it will probably be midnight or 1am. i need to put in some major hours this pay period. also, the work is easy so it should be no problem for me to come in and rack up some easy hours. besides, no one is going to be here, so i will finally have some peace and quiet here or i can be my cousin and just sleep half the time. yeah right. i bet if i try and do it, i will get caught.

i'm not really sure what i'm going to do this weekend. i was thinking dream catcher was coming out today, but its not coming out until next friday. shucks. brian was telling me that there was another movie that he wanted to watch. i think its called the hunted. we might end up watching that this weekend. if any of y'all are going to the movies this weekend i suggest you watch bringing down the house. that movie is hilarious. its a must see. you'll be laughing through the whole show. it's worth your money.

i didn't have enough time to type in my so-called blog yesterday. i was piled with work. it was the kind of job that makes you want to pull all your hair out. i was so frustrated. i actually had to call the boss in texas to get some of his input on what i should do with the kind of documents that i had. i had no other option, and calling the boss was the last thing i wanted to do, but this stuff totally stumped me. i was at a loss. i couldn't figure any of the stuff out, and so i called the boss around 7:30 pm last night. he sounded like he was in a good mood and wanted to help me in any way that he could. usually, he will be so demanding wondering when we will finish a project or most of the time he will ask us to give him an estimation of when we will get done. i almost had the guts to ask him when our yearly review will be. we are supposed to get one, but still there is no word from him. i honestly believe we should get one. my boss always asks us to stay late or put in as much hours as we can and our quality of work is excellent. i know for a fact, because one of the sales guys that we have in the office is always congratulating us or showing us appreciation by taking us out to lunch. i know that sounds crazy. you would think that the boss would be doing that, he doesn't. this is the reason why i decided to go back to school.

today our class took a tour of phoenix baptist hospital. it was very educational. the people there were very nice. i can see myself working in a place like that. a lot of the people that i talked to have many years of experience. one lady that i spoke with said that she worked there for 27 years. wow. i gathered a lot of information that i needed. i graduate in about 4 months and hopefully i can land a job when i'm finished with school. i'm thinking of going back later though. a lot of places offer tuition reimbursement and im thinking of taking up that offer. you never know what i want to get into next. lol.

for some reason i feel so stressed out today. a lot of things are not going the way i want them to and i'm beginning to feel really awful. i hope after all this suffering, waiting and wondering what is going to happen will soon be over with. i try and put some of the stuff i worry about in the back of mind, but for some reason today i let every thing out of it's tiny box that i had stored in the corner of my brain. this is ridiculous. i'm tired, and i just want some relief soon. it's a feeling like, i've been holding my breath for so long, and i'm wondering when will i ever get that breath of fresh air again? i love brian so much. its seems as though lately, i've been taking every thing out on him. poor thing. i know right now i don't deserve a person like brian with the way i'm treating him. its just that he frustrates me sometimes. i always feel like i have to be there to make a simple decision for him or i have to remind him of stuff before he completely forgets what hes supposed to do or get. i know i shouldn't be too hard on him because he is trying his best and i know that with me nagging and saying things will only make things worse. shit, it sure feels good to let it all out. i know tonight i will be going home and kissing brians ass because deep down i know he is a good man......

i had another wonderful, restful weekend. i had the opportunity to watch 2 really good movies over the weekend. i watched bringing down the house and tears of the sun. they both were awesome movies. i especially liked 'bringing down the house' because throughout the whole movie you were busting out laughing. i definitely want to get the dvd when it comes out.

over the weekend i did some grocery shopping, laundry, bbqing, and watched those two movies. i was supposed to be at work, but i decided not to go in. i was too tired and didn't really want to be there anyway. i know sometimes this month i have to budget because i have my tags due on my car next month and i have to do my taxes. last year it costed me 182 bucks to do my taxes. unlike y'all i don't get a W2. i have a 1099, and when you go to a tax service company and have them write every thing off for you, they charge you for all those damn write offs. i never get a refund at the end of the year and so i always wait to do my taxes until april 15th of each year. hopefully, by next year i don't have to deal with that any more. i'm here at work. i got a lot of work done early so i'm probably going to hit the books. i'm reading over the skeletal system for school and i have a lot of work to do by the end of the week. i hope y'all had a good weekend......

i've been here at work since 2am. i'm beginning to be like my cousin. did you know that she can actually sit straight up and sleep? how in the world can she do that? i know shes had a lot of practice. lol. yesterday, my coworkers and i caught her sleeping in her seat, sitting straight up, and had her right hand on the mouse. dang, that there is talent....yeah right. she left a little a while ago to pick up her bf, that is why i'm talking about her now. i'd be too chicken to be typing this sitting next to her. we still haven't said anything to her about the sleeping situation. i don't think we will. we all are too chicken to bring it to her attention.

the other day brian bought some new dvds. i guess they were on sale. he bought total recall, the ring, and the osbournes the first season. last night we watched the ring. it kind of reminds me of fear dot com. the ending of the ring made me mad. i guess they will probably make a ring 2.

FRIDAY FIVE:

1. What was the last song you heard?
erykah badu/common "love of my life" and amerie "talkin to me"

2. What were the last two movies you saw?
the ring and the osbournes the first season

3. What were the last three things you purchased?
iced tea (this morning), pizza (yesterday), and gas (dang, they are sky rocketing)

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
sleep, sleep, sleep, and more sleep

5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
brian, michele, lorraine, leah and my sister.

i got tired of the other layout and thought i should use something brighter.

i was so pissed off today when i came into work. my cousin did it again. she worked 10 hrs today and left finishing with only 2 hrs worth of work. i actually wrote her a letter about OUR concern regarding her laziness and unwillingness to do her work. i haven't given it to her though, only because i'm too chicken. besides, i'm family, and well, i don't want her to hate me and then have her go and tell her mom, my aunt, about what i did and then the whole damn family will know. i think i will have my other coworker either talk to her or deliver the note to her. it just isn't fair! today, i had to work my butt off to make up for her laziness. i don't know what to do about the situation. i don't want to go to the boss. we all have been working together for close to 6 years. it sucks. i'm stuck and i am wondering what is the easiest and nicest way to tell her to shape up.....

i've missed two days of school so far. i know, it's bad, but i don't feel like being there since my instructor isn't there. they decided to stick the night instructor in our class. what the hell?!?? i transferred out of the night classes to get away from that instructor. basically, all i learned in that class is how to laugh and take long breaks. that class was a joke and a complete waste of my money. i heard that she isn't teaching out of the text books either. what kind of crap is that? i am following my instructor's weekly schedule of what to do in the text books and here she comes and spoils every thing, and to think that i was caught up with my stuff! some people just get me boiling mad sometimes.

i could give you an example of what boiling mad is to me. brian and i decided to dine out at the Ihop over the weekend. it was near where we live and as we were leaving out of the parking lot this big boat of a car reverses out without even looking if any one was driving on the road. she pulled out so fast i was caught off guard and all i could do was panic and honk on my car horn like a crazy fool. so as i was doing that she kept reversing, nearly hitting my car in the front. it's like she was saying i don't give a shit if you are behind me or not. she just whipped out that car, looked at me through here rear view mirror, and then she threw the bird. i was like what the f**K!! i rolled down my window and threw it back at her. she did it again. i was about to get of the car when brian pulled me back. omg, if brian hadn't pulled me back i probably would have done something i would definitely regret. i was so mad at the fact that brian pulled me back into the car. i wanted to get that bitch. anyway, after she seen that i was trying to get out of my car she hurry up and screeched into traffic almost causing an accident. the girl got scared and made an attempt to get onto oncoming traffic. she made it and i was sitting in my car pissed. i'm afraid of what i will do if someone else does that to me again. it's weird. i think i need to take a chill pill, relax, and take a very long vacation......