for some reason i feel so stressed out today. a lot of things are not going the way i want them to and i'm beginning to feel really awful. i hope after all this suffering, waiting and wondering what is going to happen will soon be over with. i try and put some of the stuff i worry about in the back of mind, but for some reason today i let every thing out of it's tiny box that i had stored in the corner of my brain. this is ridiculous. i'm tired, and i just want some relief soon. it's a feeling like, i've been holding my breath for so long, and i'm wondering when will i ever get that breath of fresh air again? i love brian so much. its seems as though lately, i've been taking every thing out on him. poor thing. i know right now i don't deserve a person like brian with the way i'm treating him. its just that he frustrates me sometimes. i always feel like i have to be there to make a simple decision for him or i have to remind him of stuff before he completely forgets what hes supposed to do or get. i know i shouldn't be too hard on him because he is trying his best and i know that with me nagging and saying things will only make things worse. shit, it sure feels good to let it all out. i know tonight i will be going home and kissing brians ass because deep down i know he is a good man......