my dad left my apt this morning to travel back home. i feel crappy because my dad left. i miss him already. i felt like crying on his shoulder and telling him not to leave me. i'm daddy's little girl. as i was growing up, my dad would spoil me to death. i waited for his magic words when pay day would come around. he would always take me to gallup and buy me what ever i wanted. i tell ya, those were the days, but i probably know the real reason why he would spoil me so bad. my grandmother and grandfather took care of me most of the time and he knew how bad they would treat me. my grandparents also took care of 3 of my other cousins. they would spoil my cousins, but never me. my cousins would get cookies and juice from them while i would sit there and watch my cousins eat all them sweets. i think back then they didn't like me because i wasn't full blood navajo. its kind of sad to think about it but, its really true.

i love my dad with all my heart, but sometimes i wish he would have worked things out with my mother. to this day i still wonder how it would be like if my mother and father never divorced. would i still be living in texas? would i have chosen a different path out of high school. there are so many things that could have been, but that would mean that i probably would have never known how it would be like to live on a reservation, to taste mutton stew, fry bread, or even to take a crap in an outhouse. i have no regrets at all, but i think it would be neat, if somehow, we could just take a glimpse of what could have been.

my dad and i struggled for the most part. he was always there for me. i love him very much for bringing me into this world and right now i really miss him. he left today and i wish i would have made him stay another day..............